Diary of a Cross-Country Skier

MONDAY 8 JANUARY
Temperature -25C (distinctly chilly), distance skied 2km (back and forth on same parts of the track), number of falls 0 (smug)

SKIING
Our instructor, Emma, takes eight newbie skiers onto the snow just outside Hotel Ylläshumina. It's so cold my breath is steaming up my glasses. Emma is double-gloved and double-socked but I'm single-everything and I panic that hypothermia is going to set in within minutes.

Most of our group are dressed like polar explorers, which is understandable as we're about 200km north of the Arctic circle. Dougie and I are kitted out in proper cross-country ski gear. Dougie's trousers are particularly figure-hugging. When my glasses de-mist I decide his bottom looks lovely. Must concentrate.

There are actual hills to tackle. I thought cross-country skiing would be on completely flat terrain. I look aghast at an incline, like a dalek approaching a staircase.

90 minutes of learning the basic techniques. Most of us fall over. This is excellent cardio-vascular exercise; fun but tiring. All the polar explorers look over-heated, despite the outside temperature. Discover I can unzip my armpits to let the air circulate.

ACTIVITY WEEK
Our friends on the activity week have also had a good workout; a snow-shoeing expedition into the beautiful Ylläs fells. They are given proper insulated clothing to wear, which they can keep for the whole week. Handy for the supermarket run.

FOOD AND DRINK CONSUMED
Like an animal preparing for winter, we feast on nuts and berries at the hotel's buffet breakfast. I supplement the muesli with scrambled eggs, sausages, croissants and mugs of coffee.

Dinner is served early, from 6pm, which is ideal as we've worked up an appetite. It's a 'From the Volga, with love' buffet so beetroot soup, lots of fish and salads and delicious stroganoff. Puddings are plentiful: something wobbly, something chocolatey and something fruity.

Wine purchased from the Alko shop goes down well after a day on the trails when we relax in our cosy cabin. A cheeky Pinot Noir at dinner and a coffee-flavoured vodka as a nightcap. Dougie makes a start on the whisky shelf at the bar.

TUESDAY 9 JANUARY
Temperature -12C (totally tropical), distance skied 3km (feels longer), number of falls 2 (regressing)

SKIING
Second day of instruction on a different route. Developing the kick and glide technique. We're taken to a hill that we have to ski down. I descend elegantly, become excited and fall over at the bottom. Emma scores me 9/10. Enjoyable ski back to the hotel, passing the entrance to the petting zoo. Make mental note to return to see camel.

ACTIVITY WEEK
We hear about the fun on the snowmobiles. Our Inntravel friends have a thrilling day and celebrate with extra beer at dinner.

FOOD AND DRINK CONSUMED
There's a waffle-maker at breakfast but I'm unsure how it works so I opt for extra cake. Highlights of the dinner are the onion soup, creamy potatoes with the fish and some chocolate truffles to add to the usual dreamy desserts.

We add orange juice and hot water to the supermarket wine so we can enjoy our own version of Finnish glögi in our room. This is a 3 o' clock ritual as darkness decends. Dougie moves along the shelf with another malt whisky. I start on the Lapponia liqueurs. Tonight it's cloudberry.

WEDNESDAY 10 JANUARY
Temperature -11C (stripping off layers), distance skied 5km (cracked it), number of falls 0 (seeks Olympic selection).

SKIING
Our first full day without an instructor. Struggle to get a rhythm going as everything aches. Dougie fares better and begins to instruct me: gets short shrift. Head north to Navettagalleria, gorgeous little café in the woods. I want to stay here all day but we're on a mission and set off on a circular route back to Ylläshumina.

Fantastic afternoon, skiing on a gentle blue trail with some exciting downhill stretches. Scenery is magical with trees like an army of yetis marking our way back to civilisation. Ignore petting zoo as we're having too much fun to stop.

ACTIVITY WEEK
Dog-sledding is a huge success. Our new snow buddies love the huskies and there's much talk of the dogs' different personalities and how exhilarating it is when they speed off through the forest.

FOOD AND DRINK CONSUMED
Manage to scoff some homemade carrot cake and hot chocolate at the café, adding to the usual delicious hotel breakfast. A traditional Lappish evening meal includes salmon and potato soup and sautéed reindeer with lingonberries. Carry on the berry theme with lingonberry cake and lingonberry liqueur. Certainly getting my five-a-day this week.

THURSDAY 11 JANUARY
Temperature -14C (feels colder in the wind), distance skied 5km (steady), number of falls 1 (standing still at the time).

SKIING
Decide to consolidate by choosing the same trail as yesterday. Reach the Navettagalleria in half the time. Wind picks up in the afternoon and splatters my glasses with sleet. Wish I'd brought ski goggles: blame Dougie as he said we wouldn't need them. Have a bit of a tiff. Ski past the petting zoo for the third time: camel will have to wait for another day.

ACTIVITY WEEK
Having spent two days sitting on their behinds, the 'active' pals have a go at cross-country skiing. Two of the men give up after ten minutes: the women persevere for the whole 90 minutes. We tease the men mercilessly and I'm even more proud of my efforts in learning this new skill.

FOOD AND DRINK CONSUMED
Chicken tonight and a very tasty goulash soup. There's a bowl full of ice-cream balls too, in case we need more reminders of our frozen environment. Dougie's on the back row of whiskies now and it's a blueberry liqueur for me after dinner. Find my favourite chair in the lounge, in front of the log fire. This is the life.

FRIDAY 12 JANUARY
Temperature -15C (still cold, funny that), distance skied 13km (yes, you read that correctly), number of falls 2 (one of them spectacular).

SKIING
Push ourselves today. Choose a blue trail round Lake Äkäslompolo and along the river valley to Lake Kesänkijärvi. It does have a small red section in the middle, where there is a steeper incline and descent.

I let Dougie try the red downhill first but forget to wait until he's reached the bottom. He falls, doesn't clear the track in time, takes me with him. We end up in an undignified heap. Take things steadier on the way back: overtaken by many elderly locals. On the plus side, the landscape is spectacular, with pretty bridges and part-frozen rivers.

ACTIVITY WEEK
Aching from the cross-country ski lesson the previous day, our gang book themselves a reindeer safari with the hotel. Another day looking at an animal's rear end: they're happy again.

FOOD AND DRINK CONSUMED
We've earned every morsel today after our adventure. Tuck into carrot soup, smoked duck breast and pork steak in a cream sauce. Back to the wine and vodka for me.

NORTHERN LIGHTS
The Aurora App on my phone tells me there's an 11% chance of seeing the Northern Lights. I'm a lazy Aurora hunter and this week the lure of my pyjamas and bed has been greater than the lure of those magical lights. Decide to follow a man with a tripod down to the lake. The lights appear and they are wonderful, just as I hoped they would be. Cry a little. It's been an emotional day.

SATURDAY 13 JANUARY
Temperature -15C (Groundhog Day), distance skied 0km (a rest day), distance walked 9km (it was meant to be a rest day!), number of falls 1 (foot sinks deeper into the snow than expected).

SKIING
I fancy a break from skiing. My thighs could crack walnuts now.

WALKING
Set off for our favourite café once again for hot drinks plus cream and cloudberry swiss roll. Take a wrong turning but discover a stunning view in the process. Plod through the snow across the lake to the centre of Äkäslompolo village. Have a fear the frozen lake will thaw and I'll disappear through the ice. Start to hum the theme tune from Titanic. Walk quickly.

ACTIVITY WEEK
Our merry group forsake animal transport and also choose to walk. One friend tries a kick-sled to skate to the shops instead. It's a bit like a souped-up zimmer frame.

FOOD AND DRINK
Comforting tomato soup, elk steaks and silky mashed potatoes. Vanilla panna cotta with a chocolate brownie on the side. Our last night in Hotel Ylläshumina calls for beer, wine and a farewell cloudberry liqueur.